This is an exchange my brother had with our housemate Ola in the kitchen, when he was here a few months ago.
Simon (seated): That smells interesting.
Ola (standing by the stove): Would you like some?
Simon: Oh, no, thankyou. I'm not hungry.
Ola: No really, have some.
Simon: I'm really not hungry, thanks.
Ola (waving a spaluta in a threatening fashion): You should have some. Have some.
Simon: Really. Really, I don't want any.
Ola proceeds to give him some, placing a big plate of food before him.
My brother told me this story, with a mixture of bemusement and exasperation, and I just notched it up to another example of Polish Hospitality. However, there may be more to this.
Apparently there's this custom in Poland, whereby a guest, on being offered food, will refuse -- in the certain knowledge that the host will offer again. Thus, they both fall into this kind of offering and refusing routine, until the guest will eventually relent, accept the futility of the situation, and take the food. Even if he was hungry all along.
Thus my brother had unwittingly stumbled into the grooves of this kind of social ritual, was accidently saying all the right things, and was being channeled towards an outcome beyond his control. It's completely catch 22, there's no way out.
So in the name of social research, I'm willing to put my stomach on the line and test this. Never again will I automatically and graciously accept more food; it will have to be foisted upon me with the crazed insistence of a greenpeace activist with a clipboard.
I've noticed the same feature, although generally when people don't want the food: all explanations that they had supper half an hour ago, etc fail. They give in, asking for a little, which makes no difference to the full plate, as you say. They then struggle through that and are then pressed to eat something else, for which extended refusals can (sometimes) be effective.
ReplyDeleteSince the food seemed to be something new to your brother, he might have got away with just asking to have a spoonful from Ola's plate. There will be discussion over this, but it is possible to get agreement - the cook knows that her food was not being rejected and she gets the desired compliments, whilst the eater doesn't have to stuff himself.
So true:) But I think it's changing now in Poland, probably we will stop forcing people to eat.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your blog! Pozdrawiam serdecznie!
I think my brother was totally oblivious to what was going on, that's kind of what's funny about it. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's a really nice 'tradition' if you can call it that. It'd be a great shame if they stopped forcing you to eat!
I haven't tested it out yet. I'm going to my gf's parent's place for Christmas; that seems like a pretty ideal setting to try and refuse food. I'm almost positive it's going to be a futile exercise. :)